So..I honestly forgot I started this blog back in October. Mostly because I forgot the blogspot website, and I've been rather busy. A lot has happened since my last post. Winter happened.
Work has been great, I finally feel like I know what I'm doing. I feel like I must be doing something correctly because my students are growing right in front of my eyes! Pinterest is my best friend currently!
I still go through depressing homesick moments. Most of the time being at church triggers it. Andy and I visited the Trinity Anglican Church for a while but stumbled upon East Atlanta Village church right down the street. We've been going there since November. When we first visited it seemed great! We met a bunch of people and it was pleasant. But of course me being me..I seemed to find something that seemed to be not right and paranoid. Anyways, I'm doing better of ignoring the negative thoughts..but sometimes it unconsciously comes about and settles in my emotions. I have memories and fears from the past that I didn't know still haunted me. Authorities figures, forming relationships, and church itself is what triggers this emotional thing that takes over me.
I've gone to church all my life, and I've gradually understood/misunderstood things. Because of some unfortunate events that have happened in the past at different times in my life, I have experienced failure of people who are not supposed to fail. Of course trusting someone you thought was supposed to be speaking and living truth turned out to be flawed is no excuse to not trust everyone. But that's what it has become. I've been discovering my scarred self. I react, I feel certain ways, I get in distant moods because of these things. Even my husband noticed and repeated my thoughts back to myself. But it will not always be like this. They are just people, nothing more.
Relationships. I have very few people that I talk to. I have even more fewer people that I open up to. And there are a ton of people I awkwardly small talk to, which I think I may be Terrible at. Before moving to Atlanta, I had been going to a church for about 2 1/2 years and I still didn't know everyone or fit in as a "family member." So only living here in Atlanta for about 8 months, this is no surprise. Although I do wish I wasn't my hard to approach type of personality..(I think I only think that because someone once told me..) but instead of appearing to be myself, myself..I am the person who is closed and shuts people out because I know we're only going to live here for a certain amount of time..so what's the point. I know this is terrible, but I do want to change that. I don't want to be that girl that blogs about this stuff instead of talks to humans about it! (Oops)! I'm terrible with words but every once and a while it feels good to type the words out and read it in a few months and see how much has changed.
Hopefully I'll write more about pleasant things soon.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Sunday, October 12, 2014
The puppy dog
Once upon a time a child who is rather round, cute, and annoying all at the same time was my student. I will call him R. He cries, jokes, but can participate well.
One happy Friday another teacher was giving out ice cream sandwiches at recess. She offered me one and I agreed to eat one. As I was unwrapping the delicious treat, I saw someone appear beside me on the bench and I felt an obnoxious tap on my shoulder. As I paused unwrapping the goodness..I turned to see R staring straight at my ice cream sandwich drooling over the whole situation. He decides to ask me, "can I have one? I want one!" Apparently one of my other students got one from this teacher because she took a test in her room..long story. But R did not get one, so that's all that matters.
I stopped and froze hoping he'd just go away. I knew he couldn't have one, and I felt terrible what I was about to do. I told him to ask the teacher who was giving them out for one. And as I said this I took a huge bite and another. He went over to the teacher and asked..the teacher said, "ask your teacher if you deserve one and if you've been good" (we had a rough week with him..except this particular Friday).
As I overheard this conversation I said "oh gosh no..don't come back over here.." So I got up and walked around..I went back to the bench and not even a second later-R found me! By the time he found me and asked me, the other teacher had given out the rest of the treats! I knew the afternoon would be interesting.
After I told him the tragic news that they were all gone......tears the size of Texas fell from his puppy dog eyes and he followed me around as if one would magically appear.
In the classroom, he still cried. I had all of the students on the carpet and I set R beside me, or I knew he'd start his fits. He leaned on me and cried. And cried. And cried. For an hour and a half he cried. Finally he stopped as I put them in groups to do an activity. He got happy. He got hyper. And he lived hyperily ever after.
The End.
One happy Friday another teacher was giving out ice cream sandwiches at recess. She offered me one and I agreed to eat one. As I was unwrapping the delicious treat, I saw someone appear beside me on the bench and I felt an obnoxious tap on my shoulder. As I paused unwrapping the goodness..I turned to see R staring straight at my ice cream sandwich drooling over the whole situation. He decides to ask me, "can I have one? I want one!" Apparently one of my other students got one from this teacher because she took a test in her room..long story. But R did not get one, so that's all that matters.
I stopped and froze hoping he'd just go away. I knew he couldn't have one, and I felt terrible what I was about to do. I told him to ask the teacher who was giving them out for one. And as I said this I took a huge bite and another. He went over to the teacher and asked..the teacher said, "ask your teacher if you deserve one and if you've been good" (we had a rough week with him..except this particular Friday).
As I overheard this conversation I said "oh gosh no..don't come back over here.." So I got up and walked around..I went back to the bench and not even a second later-R found me! By the time he found me and asked me, the other teacher had given out the rest of the treats! I knew the afternoon would be interesting.
After I told him the tragic news that they were all gone......tears the size of Texas fell from his puppy dog eyes and he followed me around as if one would magically appear.
In the classroom, he still cried. I had all of the students on the carpet and I set R beside me, or I knew he'd start his fits. He leaned on me and cried. And cried. And cried. For an hour and a half he cried. Finally he stopped as I put them in groups to do an activity. He got happy. He got hyper. And he lived hyperily ever after.
The End.
Monday, October 6, 2014
The new everything
As I pulled out of my Nana's driveway after spending thirty minutes attempting to fit most of everything I could in the back of the truck, I said goodbye (for now) to Southaven, Mississippi (and Memphis area). It was a hot July 28 and before I even got to the interstate I was stuck in traffic as a gaggle of geese crossed the road. The ride wasn't terrible, a few things occurred not planned, therefore, my sadness kicked in. I was new to the big city and I had already felt like I didn't belong. With not a certain place to go, because I had to be there early for work and we couldn't move in to the apartment until the week after..I lived in a hotel..and this is where my Atlanta journey begins!
It's not a terrible journey, don't get me wrong because of the unfortunate mishaps, my family and friends were there for me even though not physically there with me. I began work, I set up my classroom, I prepared myself for lessons to teach, I met amazing teachers, and I went home to a lonely hotel. School started for the students. Third grade. I honestly can't remember the first day, all I remember is the last day I was at that school (and how much I cried during and after school hours). I had never dealt with challenging students before. My days were good only when there was either no fight or just one. That's all I'm going to say about that class I had for four weeks. One Wednesday, an opportunity came to existence-the next week I was relocated to a first grade class at a different school. Let me tell you, I have not cried once..well maybe once or twice because of how thankful I am where I am now!
I'm not sure how or why the opportunity arose but I am so ridiculously grateful that it did.
Thankfully Atlanta got less lonely when Andy and I moved in our apartment, and I started to feel like a decent teacher/human being with my new job! But, some days I actually do miss the road that family of geese made me wait on, I miss spending time with my sweet Nana. I'm glad I got to see her that morning. A Friday in August she had her aneurisms blocked. All day at work I couldn't help myself but worry, especially with no cell phone signal! Terrible! But everything worked out and she's doing well!
I really do hate the distance between here and home. Between myself and people I know and love. I've only met a few people here..but I don't know anyone and I'm not known. I've lived around people and have gone to church with people for years and was never known. So with the stubbornness of mine and difficult to approach type personality I seem to portray, this has been a challenging thing for me. I get homesick, I get lonely, but I have no excuse because I don't try to change that. I wallow in my sadness instead. Which I am aware that's not how it should be. I'm just sharing some truth. Even to myself. My husband has been brutally honest when I let my emotions and selfishness get in the way of seeing things the way they really are. He has shown me more love and grace that points me to where I should be and how I should be thinking. He is amazing.
Andy and I have been going to Trinity Anglican Mission Church. It has been very good! At first I was very hesitant about finding positive things about it because it's different from what I'm used to. But what I've learned is that nothing is the same and it never will be. I'm never going to find another place like Missio Dei-not that there won't be a church as good as it but there's most likely not an exact church just like it. It's the people..they don't have clones unfortunately! Ha!
So..with my picky ways of seeing things, my spoiledness in grace, and my stubbornness to look at
this change as an adventurous opportunity, I am asking for accountability. That I would see this as a blessing, a selfless change in my life, an opportunity to grow and not stop. This is not me being taken away from home..but a journey with my husband, Andy, as he fulfills his dream in school! Oh to be selfless, oh to be more loving, oh to make many memories in the city of Atlanta!
And this..is only the beginning..
It's not a terrible journey, don't get me wrong because of the unfortunate mishaps, my family and friends were there for me even though not physically there with me. I began work, I set up my classroom, I prepared myself for lessons to teach, I met amazing teachers, and I went home to a lonely hotel. School started for the students. Third grade. I honestly can't remember the first day, all I remember is the last day I was at that school (and how much I cried during and after school hours). I had never dealt with challenging students before. My days were good only when there was either no fight or just one. That's all I'm going to say about that class I had for four weeks. One Wednesday, an opportunity came to existence-the next week I was relocated to a first grade class at a different school. Let me tell you, I have not cried once..well maybe once or twice because of how thankful I am where I am now!
I'm not sure how or why the opportunity arose but I am so ridiculously grateful that it did.
Thankfully Atlanta got less lonely when Andy and I moved in our apartment, and I started to feel like a decent teacher/human being with my new job! But, some days I actually do miss the road that family of geese made me wait on, I miss spending time with my sweet Nana. I'm glad I got to see her that morning. A Friday in August she had her aneurisms blocked. All day at work I couldn't help myself but worry, especially with no cell phone signal! Terrible! But everything worked out and she's doing well!
I really do hate the distance between here and home. Between myself and people I know and love. I've only met a few people here..but I don't know anyone and I'm not known. I've lived around people and have gone to church with people for years and was never known. So with the stubbornness of mine and difficult to approach type personality I seem to portray, this has been a challenging thing for me. I get homesick, I get lonely, but I have no excuse because I don't try to change that. I wallow in my sadness instead. Which I am aware that's not how it should be. I'm just sharing some truth. Even to myself. My husband has been brutally honest when I let my emotions and selfishness get in the way of seeing things the way they really are. He has shown me more love and grace that points me to where I should be and how I should be thinking. He is amazing.
Andy and I have been going to Trinity Anglican Mission Church. It has been very good! At first I was very hesitant about finding positive things about it because it's different from what I'm used to. But what I've learned is that nothing is the same and it never will be. I'm never going to find another place like Missio Dei-not that there won't be a church as good as it but there's most likely not an exact church just like it. It's the people..they don't have clones unfortunately! Ha!
So..with my picky ways of seeing things, my spoiledness in grace, and my stubbornness to look at
this change as an adventurous opportunity, I am asking for accountability. That I would see this as a blessing, a selfless change in my life, an opportunity to grow and not stop. This is not me being taken away from home..but a journey with my husband, Andy, as he fulfills his dream in school! Oh to be selfless, oh to be more loving, oh to make many memories in the city of Atlanta!
And this..is only the beginning..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)