So..I honestly forgot I started this blog back in October. Mostly because I forgot the blogspot website, and I've been rather busy. A lot has happened since my last post. Winter happened.
Work has been great, I finally feel like I know what I'm doing. I feel like I must be doing something correctly because my students are growing right in front of my eyes! Pinterest is my best friend currently!
I still go through depressing homesick moments. Most of the time being at church triggers it. Andy and I visited the Trinity Anglican Church for a while but stumbled upon East Atlanta Village church right down the street. We've been going there since November. When we first visited it seemed great! We met a bunch of people and it was pleasant. But of course me being me..I seemed to find something that seemed to be not right and paranoid. Anyways, I'm doing better of ignoring the negative thoughts..but sometimes it unconsciously comes about and settles in my emotions. I have memories and fears from the past that I didn't know still haunted me. Authorities figures, forming relationships, and church itself is what triggers this emotional thing that takes over me.
I've gone to church all my life, and I've gradually understood/misunderstood things. Because of some unfortunate events that have happened in the past at different times in my life, I have experienced failure of people who are not supposed to fail. Of course trusting someone you thought was supposed to be speaking and living truth turned out to be flawed is no excuse to not trust everyone. But that's what it has become. I've been discovering my scarred self. I react, I feel certain ways, I get in distant moods because of these things. Even my husband noticed and repeated my thoughts back to myself. But it will not always be like this. They are just people, nothing more.
Relationships. I have very few people that I talk to. I have even more fewer people that I open up to. And there are a ton of people I awkwardly small talk to, which I think I may be Terrible at. Before moving to Atlanta, I had been going to a church for about 2 1/2 years and I still didn't know everyone or fit in as a "family member." So only living here in Atlanta for about 8 months, this is no surprise. Although I do wish I wasn't my hard to approach type of personality..(I think I only think that because someone once told me..) but instead of appearing to be myself, myself..I am the person who is closed and shuts people out because I know we're only going to live here for a certain amount of time..so what's the point. I know this is terrible, but I do want to change that. I don't want to be that girl that blogs about this stuff instead of talks to humans about it! (Oops)! I'm terrible with words but every once and a while it feels good to type the words out and read it in a few months and see how much has changed.
Hopefully I'll write more about pleasant things soon.
